Before making my first post I wanted to take a minute to say hello, and that yes – I have found myself back to square one; blogging. I’m Kelly, from upstate NY, and recently, I had a change of heart about the life I wanted to live. I guess it was more of a various realizations, not a change of heart, that fueled my decision. What decision you ask? Not too long ago, at the beginning of March, I decided to give my 30-day notice to my wonderful landlords, quit my job, and sell all my belongings. All as an effort to align my reality with what I knew in my heart to be true. The caveat? I didn’t have a thing planned. I just knew it was time to leave.
At this point, if I’ve instilled some kind of panic or neurosis due to my lack of well, having a plan, don’t worry, you’re not alone. At first, my family was also like “oh shit, what did our ‘daughter-granddaughter-niece-sister-cousin’ just do”. And I get it – because we humans are wired to have plans. That’s why we have schedules and secretary’s. To plan it all out. But what happens when there’s no plan?
It wasn’t too long before I made this decision that I was an avid planner. I thought I should have it all planned out and so that’s what I did. I had it all planned out. But, turns out my plans fell through. My life amuck, I’m trying to control the outcome further, which brought me a lot of suffering. I’m not saying it’s bad to plan. It’s just bad to hold onto your pretty little picture of a life when it all falls to shit.
And so I learned. The lesson? You can’t control the outcome. No matter how hard you try, life has its own way of working out and you’d be a fool to think you have control over something far greater than yourself. I was once this fool and it brought me endless heartache and suffering, grieving the life I planned. Amidst this insued chaos that was now my life, I also learned a new way of living. It entails detach yourself from the outcome in order to maintain sense of self or happiness. When I finally let go, and rid myself of the blinders I had on, my life opened up. Doors opened in my mind as I began to imagine new ways of living for myself. Although still wrenched by heartache, as time went on, I began to heal. And there’s a time during your healing that comes that you can begin to face the question “what’s next?”
I pondered hard and what I realized was that my current living situation – my reality – even my lifestyle – it was aligned with the old narrative and picture I painted for myself. It was all deliberately crafted and plotted in line with the old plan. And I had to face my new reality and get honest with rather I liked it or not. Without my dog and without my boyfriend, this lifestyle just was not worth it to live out any longer. So I got quiet, listened to my gut, and moved in that direction.
So, now I’m here in St. Croix and want to let all the worriers know, that things did, in fact, fall into place before I left. And so that’s what I’ll be writing about – how I came to the decision, the viable options I quickly discovered that would take me to my next destination, and lastly, my experiences with said “viable options”.
The purpose of this is to share my experience of my time abroad with friends and family, sharing what I’ll be doing, where I’ll be staying, and who I’ll be meeting. I will also provide tools and guidelines for a life well-traveled. I would also like to note to readers that in the recent past, I have felt completely paralyzed and confused by what to do with my life so please know that you’re not alone. Here’s to not having it all figured out, but rather, listening to your gut and figuring out just enough to take you in the direction of a life that feels like yours.
In perfect theme, I haven’t yet figured out a catchy or clever name for this column/blog. Hoping one day it’ll come to me. Suggestions are welcome. Until then, and without further adieu, here is my first post.
You go, girl!